Binge eating, guilt, upset, crying was just part of what I went through. I used to struggle with eating disorders and food addiction from my teenage years until I became ill at 38 (I'm 41 now). I'm sharing my story, how I went through it, as support for others and concrete tips.
First I tried VOMITING and then BINGING. It didn't go so well, I freaked out. Then I tried not eating, that actually worked better, I would STARVE and eat a salad a day, then I would binge eat, then I would starve myself and so on. My weight didn't go down that much, I was at 60 kilos at my lowest (my current weight now is 59/58 and at my highest it was 90 kilos).
I was DEPRESSED, uncomfortable in my body and hated the way I looked and felt, I didn’t fit in. I didn’t know how to love myself and in some ways I was hurting myself. My mom noticed and I was taken to a nutritionist (one of many I would visit during my life) and things went back to seemingly “normal.”
I grew up in a home with DOMESTIC VIOLENCE and food was my escape and refuge. I felt alone and had no way out. I found it was easier to stuff my face with food, no one batted an eye, no one suspected my addiction. Socially accepted, everyone was doing it. Bingo! I could get away with it and no one would notice. At home I would hide food under my bed so I wouldn't be seen.
OBESE AND SICK, in 2017 I was at my peak at 90 kilos, in a toxic relationship and with a stressful job. My body said enough. I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts, fibroids, breast cysts, gallstones, fatty liver, depression, thyroid problems, h pylori, vision problems and the list goes on. Then I found Dr. Morse. This is the part of the story where things start to get better!
When I started doing Regenerative Detox, I felt empty inside again. That feeling of despair came back, not being happy with life, relationships, not knowing my purpose in the world. It had been there all along, but I had covered it up with food. Wanting to disappear from this planet and from myself. I discovered that I didn't feel worthy of love. It was a farce, like I was living a double life, putting on a smile so as not to scare people, but there was sadness behind it. Those things kept me awake at night (my adrenal glands were also in turmoil), stress, worry, anxiety, anguish etc.
A light of HOPE! In the Detox all this came back to the surface, it was like old friends coming to say goodbye, I'm leaving, there's no place for me here anymore. I had to break the belief that food is bad because of previous experiences. I replaced it with the belief that food nourishes my body and heals me. My body has the ability to heal itself when the blockages are removed.
I started to LOVE myself more, making better choices not only in health but in my relationships as well. Some party friends started to disappear from my life and people who no longer resonated with me faded away. It was a little lonely, but I chose that over not feeling good around certain people. I started making new friends, meeting amazing people.
I cut off a 6-year relationship that was toxic and not aligned with my path to health. While I was taking care of my physical health, I realized I had neglected the emotional side. I was already a Life Coach and had worked hard on this aspect of life, so I threw myself into it. I started journaling again, meditating, working with a healer, doing biomagnetism, coaching, all of these tools helped me tremendously to cope with stress and anxiety while I healed.
When I started to LOVE myself, to respect myself, to make myself my priority, that's when the old patterns started to fall away. I no longer needed to fill that void with food or alcohol or codependent relationships. I was enough. I am enough.
Eating a fruit rich diet brought CONSCIOUSNESS and LIGHT to all aspects of life. Now there was another problem, I became more strict, some people might call it Orthorexia. I don't like that word at all. At one point I became obsessed with eating perfectly and that didn't come from love either, I had transferred my need to fill voids to eating perfectly. This was for a short period of time. I caught myself not being loving or kind to myself.
There I was again trying to feel the emptiness with an unattainable PERFECTION. I failed of course. It wasn't sustainable. I fell off the horse and got back up again and again. Then I realized, I discovered that the reason I started detoxing was to get healthy. That was my main goal. So I was able to get back to a more flexible and healthy, more sustainable place again.
IS THIS COMING FROM A PLACE OF LOVE?
Now you may be reading this and perhaps some of my story will resonate with you. The question is, what do you do? How do you get out of that dark place? Some call it the dark night of the soul.
LESSONS LEARNED along the way:
-Keep going, never give up
-it's okay to be wrong
-It's okay to take a break
-It's okay to seek help when you can't do it on your own.
-Keep a clear goal in mind
-Ask the question: IS THIS COMING FROM LOVE? This is the answer to everything.
-Take care of your energy: meditate, visualize yourself healthy, exercise, go out into nature, breathe.
-Work on your parathyroid (depression)
-Work on your adrenal glands (anxiety/stress)
-work on your lungs (sadness)
-Things get better, even when it feels like you're in quicksand.
-Healing comes much faster when you reprogram your mindset and manage your emotions (it's not just about what you eat!)
-Did I mention love? This is the key to everything. LOVE.
Much love and compassion on our healing journeys 🙏💜
What has helped you throughout your journey?
Lu Del Mar
PS: My diet today is 80% high in raw fruits with a bit of cooked mucus-free vegetarian meals and a few cheat meals here and there. I also do only fruits or only juices one week a month. Twice a year I do extended fasts (21 days approx). This is what balance looks like today for me
Upcoming events: May 21-23 Retreat in Malinalco, Mexico and June 12 Detox Challenge of 7-21 days to work on Attachments and Emptiness. Individual sessions to work on physical, mental and emotional levels. Reports by WhatsApp https://wa.me/message/WYTUNNBOIAA6F1
