This topic has been difficult for me, this "flow" or letting go. I already knew that wanting to control was part of my personality, not my being.
But I was finally able to understand it deeply. My fear of losing control, of wanting to always have everything clear and just the way I want it. And when I don't, I experience suffering and frustration with myself because of these patterns.
This level of demand saved my life, allowing me to make changes to my diet so I wouldn't die and avoid surgeries (myomas, cysts, and tumors).
I made it, and today I'm here to tell you about it. This challenge also led me to crack under self-imposed pressure. Today I embrace my shadow; I'm still there, giving it my all.
This fear that things will fall apart if I'm not in charge, or that things won't go the way I want. A tremendous drain on energy.
It caused me so much stress that my left eye swelled and I gained 3.5 kilos (from adrenaline and cortisol). I don't want that for myself anymore. I lived through chaos and violence as a child, and this created a deep wound, post-traumatic stress that sometimes still surfaces. Years of therapy and healing, many layers of the onion peeled back, and it went deeper.
Control was a form of self-protection but very exhausting.
They say pain is inevitable and suffering is optional. Today I choose to let go and flow, from a different place, with responsibility, love, and without attachment.
Is it perfect? No, it never will be, and that's okay.
I've found a new, more compassionate balance. I still make mistakes, and so do others. I take every opportunity to learn. I'm seeing where these unchosen paths lead me—that unchosen path. To my surprise, many of these events have turned out to be "lucky accidents." In other words, what happened was what was meant to be, much better than I could have imagined.
The universe conspires in my favor, always.
There is my peace, with love and compassion I stop resisting and clinging.
If you've finished reading this, I'm telling you, I love you just the way you are. It's okay to make mistakes. Not everything is perfect, and that imperfection is perfect.
With love and compassion 
Lu Del Mar- Regenerative Alchemy Coach
PS: For now only individual sessions, the next group session is on January 8th
